As a female member of the LDS church, the goal of becoming a wife and a mother has been taught to me since I was old enough to talk. However, in the last couple of years, I have learned to bury those goals. For me, it's just too hard to have goals that I can't achieve on my own. No amount of flirting, make-up, stylish clothes, football knowledge, or education is going to help me achieve those goals any faster. I have no control of those goals. And if you know me pretty well, you understand that not having that control drives me nuts. And decreases my happiness level. For me, it just was not healthy to even keep the dream alive. So, I put those goals on a nice, high shelf in the far corners of my mind long ago and went on a mission, finished my undergraduate degree, and began working on my Master's. Sure, I still get dressed up, put on make-up, flirt a little, and go on dates, but I try my darnest to keep it at that. No excess persuing of boys to try to make it work. No real hopes and dreams to be a wife and mother. It's just too painful when I can't do anything about it.
However, this past weekend brought those goals off the shelf, flying into the front most part of my conscieness, begging for me to acknowledge that they exist. Some of my dearest friends have been married for almost 4 years, have 2 beautiful children with one on the way, and are making incredible plans for their future. I got to go with them to go house hunting, a new idea that they're playing with, and it hit me so hard. As much as I love school, as much as I love being single and the independence I have, as much as I want to see the world and make a difference in it, all I really want is to be a wife and mother someday. It's a hard and painful thing for me to admit- as I have given up making those dreams come true, put it all in the Lord's hands, and am trusting in his timetable. However, as much as I try to trick myself into not caring about those dreams, they still do exist, and it is still hard to be single.
So, I left Austin for Spring Break to visit my family in Vegas. I left my kitty, Jubilee, with in the good care of my fabulous roommate, Holly, having full confidence that my cat would be well taken care of. As Holly loves my kitty, I came back to a very happy, well feed kitty who was only slightly mad at me for leaving her. (I believe that taking over Holly's bed for the week was her main source of comfort while I was gone :o) However, after being home for a couple of hours, I discovered that my cat was not quite as well taken care of as I thought...or rather a festive improvement had been made...
It's kinda hard to see, but Jubilee has a beautiful green stripe on her tummy in honor of St. Patrick's Day.
I think you can see it better in this picture...now before you think that Holly is terrible, keep in mind that she threatened to dye my kitty's hair burnt orange (Yay Longhorns!), and I thought it would be hilarious! In addition, Holly was quite considerate as she decided that hair dye would be a bad idea (cat grooming herself + possible poisonous hair dye = one dead kitty). Halfway through the week, the inspiration came that she could use food coloring as it is edible, and so, a green food coloring stripe is beautifying my kitty until further notice...and there is a rumor of pink being used for Easter next month... :o)
So, I've been told that the first step to overcoming an addiction is to admit it. Therefore, I am admitting today, this 16th day of March in the year of 2009, that I have an addiction to babies and children. Some call it being "baby hungry". Others may say that my "maternal clock" is ticking. Either way, one thing is for certain, I love stealing and playing with other people's children! Saturday, I got to play with my friends' kids which include a 2.5 year old red head girl and her little brother who's a bit sick right now. Sure, there was a bit of crankiness from them having to travel and being a little sick, but I loved every moment I got to play with them!
Fast forward to Sunday at church. I got to snuggle with a set of 6 month old twins, one in Sacrament Meeting and the other in Sunday School. So sweet! (And for the record, I was able to pay better attention in those church meetings with the babies than in Relief Society when I was babyless :o) And tomorrow I get to babysit the cute little twins again! I have to admit that I am a sucker for red headed children (one of the twins is a red head), but overall, I love all babies and kids...and probably a bit too much. My fabulous roommate Holly has to remind me on occasion that, no, I'm not allowed to steal other people's children. :o)
And so, my next step, after admitting I have a problem, is to figure out what all the other steps are! :o) I figure I have to find a way to overcome this problem somehow...so far my only plan is to get my fill on children while I'm on Spring Break and hope that appeases my addiction for the time being....